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When we talk about love we often thing that two people become one. This is not only romantic, but it is also true. A working couple is a unique entity where two people think and find a common solution. The problem is that often we focus on the “uninque entity” and we forget to see that we still talk about two people, two different personalities and minds that live together. This a huge problem: lot of couple break up because they just forget about themselves, being too focus on the new creature. In order to make sure that the couple last forever, the two identies must still be unique and don’t lose themselves in the process, while they try to become one with the other partner. How to do that? We think that it is impossible, when it reality things are way much simples that you might thing.

Friendship.

We all have friends. Some of us have lot of friends, other less. The point is that we have connection with people we care about a lot. Until we are single, or we are not officially in a relationship, we go out with these people, we have very long conversations, and we shared both great and bad moments moslty relateted to very long and crazy nights. Maybe we went even to vacation with them. Friends make our life better.

However, as soon as you are in love with someone, all of a sudden that someone attracts all your attentions. I am not saying now that it is wrong to spend time with the person you love. If you want to have an healthy relationship, you must spend time with your partner. The problems is that as soon as you are together with someone, a choice must be made: either your friends or your love? Why can’t we have both?

If i was in a relationship, the woman i love would be important, but also my friends would be equally important and the same must be for her. I think that it is necessary to have time to dedicate for the people you have in your life for before love knocked on your door. Well, maybe i will not be around with my friends so often as i was before, but i would be there for the soccer game, for watching a sport event or for the most important moments in their lives like birthdays, weddings and also in the bad moments. Just because i am in love doesn’t mean i have to give up my friendship. She will not be my sun.

Your Hobby.

When we are single we have found time in our busy life to do something. it can be whatever you like. Well, once you are in a relationship, that hobby must be there. There are seven days of the week. If, for a couple of days a week, your partner is not available for you it is not the end of the world. Your partner is doing fine, you are the problem, because you are basing your life on your partner. Instead of complainig that “my boyfriend/girlfriend” does that and he/she has no time for you, why don’t you do something in that days? Maybe you can start your own hobby.

There is absolutely nothing wrong if your partner take two evenings a days to play videogames, or he/she play with lego or puzzle. This is a great opportunity for two reasons.

The first reason you both have something to talk about. Of course, you must be willing to get into his/her world, but if you do, you have something to talk and you will not end up in a position where you don’t have nothing to say. More than that, it will be appreciated the effort to know his/her world and be curios about it. Remember, your partner will appreciate the fact that you try to get coonect with his/her world.

The second reason is that you have time only for you. This is your hobby and you do it on your own. It can happen you will have a rough day and you need to relax and do something you love. If you have a hobby, you can leave everything outside for a couple of hours and focus on yourself. It will help you to reset and be ready for the next day. Of course, you can share it with the one you love, but this is your choice and you are not forced to do that.

Your Opinions.

A relationship is the union of two people. These two completely different people have different opinions about the world. Now, some people say that to save your relationship, you must find a compromise about everything. Well, absolutely not.

In my opinion, the compromise must be found only on critical topics: house, family and life itself. Apart from very important stuff, both must have their own opinions. If one is religious and the other not, why should you find a compromise? The two must only accept the situation and respect the fact that one is a believer and the other not. This idea of accepting and not chainging drives lot of people crazy and this is the problem.

We try always to find a compromise, because we hate to discuss. And we discuss, because we don’t accept the fact that we are different and just because we are together, doesn not mean we have to be the same. I have my ideas, you have yours. The key is respect. We must be mature enough to understand we are not the same and we are different. This doesn’t mean there is no love.

I can still care deeply about my partner, even if i have a different ways to see society. If she vote for the rights and i vote for the left, doesn’t mean we are not good for each other. It only means we have to different ways to see society, but it has nothing to with love. it is crucial to keep our thought and be free to share them, without being judged, because a healthy discussion and confrontation is the key of an healthy relatioship.

Your Personality.

This is a good one. People say that in a couple there must be only one Alpha. It can be the woman or the man, but there must be only an Alpha. How stupid this idea can be? What if two alphas love each other deeply? Why one of the two must give up his/her personality? This thought makes zero sense to me.

We are who we are and cancelling what we are is dangerous, because if we lose ourselves, things can be pretty horrible. Nobody must be in the position to give up its own personality. Be proud of who you are.

There is another thing. When two people date, the two people show their own personality. If you decide to start a relationship you know exactly how your partner think, behave and talk (well, at lest you should know before to take a big decision). More than that, you fall in love with that personality. So, why someone should hide the reason the other falls in love with him/her in the first place? I should be proud to show it, because it helped me to find a person who loves me. I really don’t get it when people change for the greater good of love. I mean, if you are brutally honest and your partner find it very attractive, why should you become more gentle? I would not do that.

People, we are who we are, even if we are in a relationship. Deal with it and be happy.

Final Conclusions.

When we are in a relationship, we tend to say “love is the a greater goal”, something we should sacrifice things for. I don’t see it that way. Yes, love is important and people make comprimises, but we must be free to be who we are and mantain all the little big things we had before we fall in love. Being in love must be a reward and an opportunity to reach a greater happiness, not a reason to give up everything and everyone.

Are you really fine with throwing years of your life full of friends and things to do, just because you met someone? I would not do that, even if someone is freaking rich.

Thanks for reading. If you like the post, feel free to leave a like, a comment and don’t forget to follow my blog and share the content on your social media.

With Love

Mauro.